The First Failed Experiment

So many brushes. So little face.

“To fail is to give up. But you are in the midst of a moving process. Nothing fails then. All goes on. Work is done. If good, you learn from it. If bad, you learn even more. Work done and behind you is a lesson to be studied. There is no failure unless one stops.”

-Ray Bradbury


A brief intro: I was supposed to write a list (therapy) of things that are important to me, things I’d like to change (or ‘move through’ in therapy-speak) and small changes I could make in my daily life that would make me feel as though a positive shift is happening.  I have lots of these things, but one of them was: Taking pride in appearance.  I don’t really care to delve into the shallow depths of that right now, but let’s just say I’ve always resided pretty solidly in the camp of being a more confident person when I feel like I’m putting my best face forwards. It’s just, you know, been a long few years of shitty jeans and sweatpants and not brushing my hair, so let’s just say that my best face has been in the background.

To that end, I decided to try wearing makeup. Not a lot, because 1. Ew, 2. How? and 3, Why? Still, a little bit. I can pull that off. People have noticed! I’ve had compliments! And yet. Here I am, writing this.

What I’ve learned about makeup is that yes, it looks lovely, ever-so-subtly highlighting what I think of as my facial assets. (my $401K in eyelash length, sadly, has not fared well, but moving on – ) Still, you must – and this is very important – take it the fuck off at the end of the day.

Every day that you put it on.

Every. Day.

Now. I have been frequently known to complain about how long it takes to brush my teeth and GOOD GODS WHY have they not invented an affordable way to keep teeth from getting all icky every few hours between brushings? My god, my teeth! They’re so needy. Dentist visits, flossing, brushing, theoretical whitening (because I can’t be bothered), wisdom tooth removals, cavities, blah blah blah.  It’s all so very boring and time-consuming. Just for teeth! Because without them, life is full of soup and awful.

I feel I may have digressed…

The point is: if I’m that annoyed by my teeth – features with which I am stuck, hopefully for life – how do you think I feel about taking off makeup, with which I am not stuck, every damn day? Not good, that’s how. Yet when I wake up with creepy little lines of mascara turning my face into an anime version of itself, I’m forced to think: “I should have taken off my makeup.” And that pisses me off, because at that point it’s morning, and I’m supposed to not only brush my damned teeth for the shillionth time, but also remove and – gak – reapply! -my makeup.

The long and short of it is: Makeup? I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. We tried, we did, and while I think I’ll still trot you out for weddings and funerals and the occasional Tuesday, I think we should remain distant acquaintances in the meantime. Let’s shake hands and part as friends, shall we?


11 thoughts on “The First Failed Experiment

  1. /agree on the make-up thing. Haven’t worn it for years; even stopped wearing it for special occasions. If people want to see my face they can see it naked, dang it! (Wow, aren’t you glad I haven’t adopted this as a general lifestyle philosophy?)

    p.s. “Shillionth” sounds as if it should be the William Shatner version of a “Zillionth”. 🙂

    • “This is – – The – – Shillionth time I’ve – – said this – – Spock.”

      Well Anne, YOU have certainly never seen me with makeup. I’m not even sure I ever brushed my teeth at Viable Paradise. From the photos, I sure as shit wasn’t brushing my hair.

      • Yeah, but Scalzi still thought you were worth taking photos of. I’m pretty damn sure that the only reason he took a photo of ME is that I was sitting next to you! 😀

        Was thinking this morning about your wrangling with life lately and thought I would share a Ray Bradbury-ism (because I love him and completely understand why someone would make the video they did…you have seen it, haven’t you?). Note: this applies to life, and to writing, not to makeup, because with makeup, I prefer to fail. 😀

        “To fail is to give up. But you are in the midst of a moving process. Nothing fails then. All goes on. Work is done. If good, you learn from it. If bad, you learn even more…There is no failure unless one stops.” — Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing

  2. Anne – for some reason WordPress won’t let me reply directly to you, so here goes:
    I loved that quote so much I put it at the top of this post 🙂 what an awesome thing to remember. And this is my favourite (for now, of course):
    “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    I first learned about this quote when I tried, and failed dismally, to rewire a lightswitch in my bedroom. When I showed the failed mass of wires to my friend and made some comment about being dumb, he replied, ‘Fish can’t climb trees, Gwen.’
    I want that on a t-shirt, dammit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s